Archive for the 'Humour' Category

Names altered to protect identities.

17:18
[a] ah
[a] do you have a box spring bed?

[b] I’m not sure, what’s one of those?

17:19
[a] basically it doesn’t have a frame
[a] it has a springy thing as the base
[a] basically

[b] Oh, with big springs going across sideways?

17:20
[a] if you fill a sandwich bag with vaseline and stick it between the box spring and matress
[a] it hardcore feels like you’re doggying someone
[a] haven’t done that for a while
[a] but it’s going that way yunno
[a] yunno?

An anecdote. I love a good tale of l’esprit d’escalier actually occurring before one hits the stairs. (0 comments)

From the article about MFI:

For many years, MFI allowed customers to buy their items in the store and leave the store with their furniture . This was stopped in the mid-1990s due to cost and from then on all furniture was delivered from large warehouses. This has resulted in MFI having the largest two-man delivery service in Europe.

It’s true.

Open University advert reading 'Upgrade your IT skills' next to news article about HMRC losing computer discs containing child benefits records for 25 million people.

A. joined the chat room.
chrismear: hey
A.: hi there
A. left the chat room. (Quit: anti-depression walkies)
chrismear: Well, that’s a ringing endorsement of my conversation skills.

Question: What is Shopto.net? Answer: A dead one of these.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritter_sport

David: God, whoever wrote this is way too into Ritter Sport.
David: Also, “sport”?
David: It’s a fucking chocolate bar.

Update: Something tells me that variety number 24, “Nutella with horse power”, may not be an accurate reporting of the facts.

Chris: oh god, i didn’t realise this new beowulf movie was all 3D
David: Holy shit, seriously?
Chris: Yeah.
David: Estimated time frame for naked 3d model of Angelina Jolie to appear on the internet?

“God, when I bought these turnips,

I was throwing them on the floor in my house, and I accidentally dragged a group onto me.

And I fucking ate them. Ten grand worth of turnips.

Fat cunt.”